dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
