operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
