Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize