i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
