Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
