dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize