Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
