Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
