He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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