i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
