So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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