i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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