how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
