she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
