Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
