Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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