I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
