i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
