i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
