Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
