I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
