no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
