Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
