for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
