I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we're so committed to being not committed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
