Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
