I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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