Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
