How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i think my cat just said my name.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
