At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
