i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
