i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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