Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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