1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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