How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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