I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
whose parrot is this?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
