the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
