Im at strip club and am horny
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
