Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
