she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Gay?
German.
Pity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
