One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize