so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize