Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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