There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
foreskin is a definite game changer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
