i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
