you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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