Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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