At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
