I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize