If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so let's talk penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
