I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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