I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
