I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
