I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
