well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize