You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
