I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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