What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
