Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
