im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize