and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize