just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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