Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
