Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize