Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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