I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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