whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
