I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
