highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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