he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
