Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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