dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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