i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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