I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
