listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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