Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
