That's intense
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
