I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
