Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
