I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
