how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
