New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
