Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
