So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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