I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
