My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize