I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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