I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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