so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
