His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize